I'm not doing well right now.

I have been doing the old classic-- keto during the week, plan on a single indulgence meal, but end up gorging for two solid days. I'll lose 7-8 pounds during the week and gain that all back in two days. That's the classic, and it's long term depressing.

I'm sad because I have lots of slim pants and fitted shirts that I have to leave sitting in my closet because right now they don't fit. But that's just a symptom, it's not really why I feel bad. It's because I had been enjoying success, and I stopped. It's because I'm not doing what I want to do. That's how you know it's an addiction. You think about changing, you want to change, but you keep not changing.

So what's the plan?

Tonight is Nora's birthday. She is three years old today, and has chosen sandwiches as her meal of choice. I flip flop about what I should do.

Option 1) It's a birthday. Eat a sandwich, have a slice of cake, then move on.

Option 2) Birthdays will happen, but Nora won't be sad if I eat a bacon and egg burrito. I'll feel very accomplished for being strong in the face of appealing carbs, and I'll be jumpstarted to some future success.

Concerns with option 1: "Move on." I have had that goal each weekend (see paragraph 1 of this post) and flopped hard every time.

Concerns with option 2: Birthdays and holidays are very important to Dayna. She may have hurt feelings, and also may feel that I'm not really participating with the family if I don't eat the birthday girl's chosen stuff.

I just want to focus up. I want to have the peace of mind that I'm doing what I want, that I'm being an example for Dayna and the kids, that I'm not a hypocrite when my siblings ask for keto advice.

Anyway, wish me luck.