I had a few good weeks. Lowest weight I had been in a while, although I'm still caught in the cycle of great week, terrible weekend, and no real progress in 3 months. Still, I was 196 pounds, which is 5-10 pounds away from my ideal weight. 

Yet, I feel like I am going without. Notice that I said feel and not think. There's no way someone could actually think that eating the same crap that didn't taste that good or make me happy the last 10 million times will finally do the trick. Yet, that's what is in my core, in my being. I am withholding, I am restricting, I am not living life to the fullest.

It's just a lie, and it's a lie that leads to depression. Yesterday I caved and ate McDonald's. Twice. Before the first cave, I had to. I knew it was a lie, but the feeling was just so powerful. It's frustrating to think that people would assume that food addiction is made up or not difficult to deal with. That's nonsense. It is primal; a down-deep craving that aches with how truly essential it is. 

What's the point? Well, to label that feeling as what it is: a craving that has made me unhappy in the exact same way for years. It's a lie. An internal mutiny against common sense that will be attempted a lot, probably today. 

Hopefully, the act of calling it out and putting a label on it will make it faster to identify and shut down. It won't make it easy-- it's still that primal urge to eat what calls to you-- but it'll make it more doable. 

Beyond "don't consider it," this is don't get tricked. You can love that food all you want, but it doesn't love you. Instead of listening to your body, think of what your mom or spouse or best friend would want for you, or what you'd want for your kid in the same situation. Those people are really out there rooting for you. You deserve good things.