How do I feel? Better. There's a part of me that's sad and worried. I'm sad that I spent most of the last decade feeling sluggish, unattractive and sick. I'm sad that there's a part of my brain that still loves the idea of the junk that got me this way, even though I don't actually like that junk. 

I'm worried that I'll fall back to my old habits. To be fair to that worry, I lost 60 pounds in 2011 or about there, but gained it all back. That means that even though I've clearly learned what it takes, there's a part of my brain that longs for me to give in, to give up, to not take the slightest effort. Never mind the financial sadness that comes from eating that way, or the brutal moment you tuck a shirt in the back of the closet because it's no longer in your size. And that could happen again. 

I'm happy, because I've worked at my same company for years and years, and people who haven't seen me in a while will do double takes and say "wow" and that feels really good. And I'm happy because I think I eat better tasting food now than I did before. My food is thought out and has flavors. Before, it was in a drive-thru. And messed up, because the people who work at those joints are the least qualified laborers on the market. 

You might be wondering, WTF is this update? I am too. I just wanted to have some written record that showed that I had done really well. I'm pretty close to my goal weight of 190, and I look much better in clothing that I wear. But the risk of going back still freaks me out. Sorry this is a bummer.