Another day, more weirdness around addiction and temptations in my weird little brain. Two days ago was bad, and I ended up breaking my diet to eat Café Rio.

The most interesting part of that interaction between my body and my brain is that I entertained the mindset "I've worked so hard; can't I just be happy?"

As if cheating on my diet makes me happy. But there's something that appeals to me, something animalistic and powerful, in just simply giving in. It's a real peace in my mind not to actually eat the food, but to admit defeat and take the day off. The default mode that my body craves after decades of habit forming calls, and wants to survive, even if it'll hurt my actual survival.

Today I feel lots of clarity. I smell good smells-- I think it's a pizza with peppers on it-- and while it does smell great, I'm totally fine without it. Beyond that, the thought of cheating this weekend makes me feel genuinely sad. I think back to last fall and remember going several weeks at a time without having a single cheat meal, and specifically, how proud and happy I was at that time.

Let's do that again. My anniversary is on the 20th, and I would like to stay keto until then. I think that if I do that-- it's almost three weeks from now-- I will be able to wear my old size 34 pants. Let's do it.